Thursday, January 24, 2013

Confession of obsession

                                           Confessions of Obsessions

I promised you in my first blog, " In the Beginning," an expose' of my obsessions.  Confessions of obsessions.  I hope I am more forthright than our hero, Lance.  Still, there are things that we hide even from our closest soul-mate.   Sometimes even from our self.  I will give you a few and you will have to wait for more juice to come over the ether net.

Let me be perfectly clear (was it Nixon who always said that preface before he lied?)  you know what obsessive compulsive is.  Some people are bred with restraint.  Some have enough as to be at the edge, not of this political buzz-word cliff; but of a real precipice.  And a few have no boundaries.  I fall somewhere between the latter two.  I wish to preface this blog:  There is nothing wrong with obsessions if they do not hurt others or yourself.

Do you know what it is like to loose total control?  Have you ever lost control?  If you think that you are in control and your best, honest, true love says you fall beyond the range of normal in your habits/ desires in a certain area; do you believe him/her.  Is it intervention time?  Disbelief is easy.  There are others like you--worse than you.  There's that saying again, "Don"t laugh at yourself.  There's always someone worse off than you."  I don't believe I'm out of control, but then there is the total tally of the seed catalogs.  I get on a lust jag for seeds and I can't help myself.  Did it bankrupt us?  No.  Is it a sizable portion of my SSI check?  None of your business.  Will I recoup the cost in savings from my garden?  I need to share more.

In a discussion with my son, Tyson, we talked of how the onions, garlic, potatoes, squash,cabbage....
in the winter larder can be purchased much cheaper in the grocery but that there is such satisfaction in knowing that they are organic and that you grew them and they are yours when you cut those onions and spuds into a stew.  AND. There is no way I can monetarily justify the flower seeds except that they are food for the soul.  What does your soul need to feed to stay alive.  Baby Joe, more white water.  David B, another rare guitar. Mikey=steelhead. Yarn Reenster? (To the tune of)These are are a few of my favorite... obsessions... I just had a dream about you--I think it happened--I think it was real.

planting those seeds/their miracle

                       Waiting out May

How can you be so cold

The middle of May

A week past my birthday

You hail like there is no Mary

I know you can turn ice crystals

Into steamy breath with your hot glance

Then psychotic cold again

To freeze my joyous heart

When will you let me warm my hands

Smothered in the folds of your black earth

Plant miracle seed that will feed

  My body and soul

channeling seeking obsession

  Koan:  A Little Death

You cannot turn the tide of who you are

I found me in a thunder storm sheltered by a cedar

When that flash bang comes in a branched church

You have reached the end of your search

All things seem harmony shared

The noise of birds as if they cared

The yellow cry of a sea of buttercups interrupts

I too am a part of us

Just once to be there on that day

When Beni Maiko is the reddest

To freeze into that reaching wild sea

and there really was Tulipmania


                                                         Oh my Tulips my precious Tulips

                                                         Where have you gone

                                                         Whose hands are you in

                                                         You they fondle like Turkish bulb thieves

                                                         But you are to grow with me

                                                        Color fullest with me

                                                        Be alive in the Spring

                                                        You shall

                                                        We will

                                                         Swim back home in richest sea foam

1 comment:

  1. Order off to Hudson today. Thank you for the inspiration.