"If I knew then, what I know now"--a phrase that looks back at the past like we were
really ignorant or without the wisdom that we claim to have now. Like Monday morning quarterbacking
or I knew that was what would be the final outcome of the presidential race of 2016, or I knew I was going
to have a bad day. The prognostications of Nostradamus or the Fatima papers, the Book of Mormon,
Darwin, Rasputin, Marx, Gandhi... All prophets predicting the future; not saying they can change the past
predicting the future looking into their crystal ball.
present and the prophet who has a vision of the future is obvious. There is a third group of people. They
live on memory lane. They are the nostalgists. They live in the golden age of radio, or when trains were as
romantic as the Orient Express, or when I caught the winning touchdown pass in the state triple-A finals
game, or when I could bench press 190 pounds, or when I didn't have a wrinkle, or when I was a little more
svelte, or when I didn't make the scales read 182 but it was with my shoes on. The last few descriptions are
not the musings of a true nostalgist. A true nostalgic person remembers only the wonderful things and
events of a past life. He/she forgets the exam they flunked, or the time they wrecked their dad's new car,
or the person they are ashamed they bullied, or any bad trip memory. The past is painted golden. Pollyanna
chooses the wonderful memories.
When people wax poetic about their high school years, or their college years as being the best
years of their life, I am saddened. What happened to the last 40 years. Were they just filler? Where the
appendix is four times longer than the story? So their is a fourth type of person. This person that is
grounded in the present. He/she says this is the best season of their life. When I hear myself saying this,
I'm not sure this is a bald-faced lie. How can one say that I can't do half of the things I used to do or if I
can it takes twice the time. How can you still spout "the this is the best time of my life" b.s.?
The bible Psalms and the Byrd's sing of "there is a season." There are 4 seasons and each
one should be embraced. One can certainly love the past--dis or dat happening but to be in the present
and love it sometimes is a hard thing to do. Still accepting fate is the secret of happiness. Another Byrd's
phrase from a song: "Never hit bottom but just keep falling through just relaxed". The idea of flowing with
the moment. The idea of how we relate to something can make it good or bad. When M had cancer was
one of the best times of our 33 years waxing nostalgic. How you say? One was the attitude we could fight
this together. Two, we dropped all of the extraneous unimportant stuff like the dishes had to be done
immediately after b/l or dinner, the laundry had to be folded at once, the bed had to be made right when
you got up--you get the idea. We just loved each`day to the max and were present for each other. So even
bad things can be turned into lemonade. There are some things that happen that are just BAD and no sense
can be made of them. The gods are cruel. There is no explanation--only acceptance can bring sunshine
to a rainy season
.
The fourth type of people have a subset. These are the ones that are still building in the
present and making their dreams a reality. Or perhaps that there are no impediments to their dreams.
If they have a spouse/ partner/ lover; they are supported in their dreams. I think of friends that start
a family in these sunset years. I think of the person that builds their dream house on the country property
they have owned for years. I know the person who had a dream in his spring and is now set that goal
to sail. To make one more deal. Mieke and I-- The continuing gestalt of our garden. It is never too late to
build in the present.
These are the 4 types of people and how they relate to the 4 seasons. They are not good
or bad types. They just are relating to the 4 seasons in their own vision of existence. Existence is a
wonderful thing. To be or not to be.
.
Time is a wheel of the seasons
Forever Circle 21.
I saw a leaf fall
One
Single
leaf
A whole flood of sobbing is coming
I do not rue the waterfall of colors
Happy I will rest for a short while
Possessed once again in a sowing madness
No time for depression
The oak leaves will be chartreuse mouse ears
Time to seed the corn patch
Again
One
Single
leaf
The hangman noose will be placed around my neck
A torrent of sadness
Now its ecstasy
Who can stop the tears
Who can stop the laughter
Who can stop the trees
Who can stop the seasons
The leaves come back then fall again. Again, the circle of life
The Loving Grieving Circle II
The north face charges
Yellows reds oranges purples too
Tired flowers bent over wrinkled people
Begging for you not to fall into the equatorial sky
Fall autumn whatever you are called
Why ever do you leave in such splendor
To give death to your fruit and light
You leave us hope with fat bulbs sleeping in ground
Different young rainbow colors
These fresh promises we love and sing
Blinding us to your eventual return
Wishing believing our fantasy of forever spring
Swept away in tsunami rage
Fall autumn whoever you are
Why do you tease us with gold sunflowers
Why can you not stay on Sacred Ground
Why must we pray for your pagan parousia
