Saturday, December 2, 2017

Yin/Yang/Proofs of God and friendship

Are we to believe in something we are not able to touch or reason or explain on paper?  When I see the
aftermath of mad love, I know that there was someone created just for me, my other half.  The part that was

missing.  To think of these random floating atoms; bouncing around like some giant cosmic  pinball game;

and you are one of those atoms  looking to find the next level of awareness and those atoms configure

to  find the yang of your yin--then there is a piece, a tranquility.  Oh yes, there is always some troubles in

paradise.  But you can live in Almost Paradise.  A place that becomes Sacred Ground.  No words describe.

Feelings, shifts in the outer reaches of what can be barely touched momentarily seem to be real but one is not

really sure you were touched in such an incredible way.  So you go back to revisit what was there and that

feeling of tremors comes again.  The earth moves.  How do you predict an earthquake a tsunami. Science

says it's getting closer to prognosticating  the "big one."   How do you describe that you were part of another

 being for moments.  That you were joined in mind to another and became a gift to them and they became a

 gift to you that superseded self; or two egos became one--spirits welded together in time.  Now,  how can

you explain that. It is the best explanation for the holy trinity.  Father and Son and there relationship creates a

third entity the holy spirit. Is it like the trinity theologians talk about? How did I get to trinity talk discussing
                                                           Yin and Yang?

I'm kind of an agnostic sort of guy, but I have a very strong sense that evil is a reality.  So if you accept evil as a reality, it sort of means there is an opposite force.  Now that just of confuses me.  The patriarchal judeo-christian capitol g God concept just doesn't do it for me.  It seems to me like that particular god concept evolved out of tribal dominance with layers and layers of trappings applied in an effort to nail down political power.  When I think about the universe, the world we perceive out there in its unimaginable infinity, it is pretty hard to see where good and evil fits.  I love the Leonard Cohen line: "He was starving in some great mystery, like a man who knows what is true"  I sometimes think about how easy and comfortable it would be to accept a belief system like Buddhism or Christianity.  Just sign up and leave you mind at the door.

Jesus, how as a recovering catholic, Marieke says that I cannot escape the barrage of conditioning that has

formed my thought patterns.  My old mate and friend another recovering Jesuit educated wrote the above

big print.  We all were so messed in the head in religion class.  I don't call it brain-washing, exactly. Anyone

that suffered Catholic or similar conditioning  knows what "recovering Catholic" means.  How two beings

 join; and the conjunction produces the spirit of the two.  Is that why the moments after this commingling

people gasp, "Oh my god!" I believe this to be the ultimate proof of god--more proof than any watch/watch

 maker syllogism (a watch must have a watchmaker).  So philosophers and theologians can pile word upon

word to create books about god/ Love--but the un-understandable is still a mystery.  "Oh my god!"  This

is why people get married--or should be why they get married.  This is why the pope wants to change

annulments :  marriage participants were not truly committed when they said their " I do's."Seeking an eternal

love. A love that is like being an lo, and finding a ve and alone they are just two sequences of letters in the

alphabet; but put together they create the word love.  How do you define this word love?  Time.  It is like

defining the word friend.  First there is what people call a "clicking" or in tune harmony.   This happening        
time and time again is the true test.  And so I have tried to explain to myself what cannot be explained. I

only know what time has revealed to me.  The mystery of yin and yang is a mystery I love to contemplate.

Two spirits entwined in the continuum of time.  Aging together, sharing wrinkles in added birthdays--like

four old friends re-unioning  together on Lake Crescent-- taking off right from where they left off a decade

ago.  Maybe yin/yang is another example of spiritual friendship cemented in time.  Maybe there is a God.

There are always friends, thank God.  Oops, I did it again. I am definitely not an atheist--I am not an

agnostic because I believe there is a god but that he/she is not knowable.  So many religions cry out I

am the one true religion and I will kill you if you do not believe what I believe.  This war on god beliefs has

happened before recorded time. I don't want any of those pantheon of religions So I say I believe in god.

I believe he/she would be on the side of good and that our acts of evil must be asked for forgiveness in the

confessional of ourselves and our friends.  I believe it is our duty to create this god's heaven on earth.  I

believe there is a great war going on between good and evil but there are still people that believe in the age

of Aquarius or in point omega.  Will we win friends?

Why I am not to keen on religion; but am not a strict agnostic which means you do not know god yes god no.  I do believe in god, but who or where is he.

                                   I saw the burning bush

                                    Thank you Jesus

                                    Thank you Allah

                        ``          Sweet enticement

                                    To believe to be

                                    One dandelion seed

                                    Whipped up into a tornado

                                    The briefest time in Oz

                                    Almost as good as   a sneeze

                                    Pleasure come and vanished

                                    Promises promises
                                    Mansions Franklins virgins

                                    I dont think so

                                    What I portend

                                    Hope to share

                                    Ecstasy forever

                                    Who could refuse

                                    A home with checks for free

                                    I dont think so

                                    I could fall for total joy

                                    A dandelion seed is just a thought 

                                    Taken by the storm

                                    Blown to Kansas City

Even schisms happen and can be healed.  Scary how we can choose evil and hold onto it

                   After Reading Under the Volcano/Confessions Reconciliation

                                    The impenetrable lost in dead end canyons

                                    Wanting a map to reach out

                                    To be found again

                                    Slapping ones own extending hand back

                                    Almost touched

                                    To revel in the bloody wounds

                                    Wallowing bloated blowflies

                                    A twelve course gourmet dinner of pain

                                    The wind is such a roving meteor wolf

                                    Bouncing around pinballs of memories

                                    Black bear stumbles into old hunting grounds

                                    Hunter finding old sign

                                    Bump stocks go off

                                    Ricochet madness

                                    Thousands of bounces a million cuts

                                    God how he missed her

                                    Warming hands holding both cheeks

                                    Some things should not be eaten twice

                                    Self-mutilation, self-abuse, cutting

                                    Mortal sins can be forgiven

                                    Confession before communion

                                    Cramped in his monks dungeon cell

                                    Flagellating whip sounds on naked backs

                                    The apple rotten not far from the tree the pear is mush

                                    The diesel engine is stuck

                                    Trailing derailed cars must be abandoned

                                    Words of a lover reverberating over and over

                                    Lets get back on track

                                    Brush off old mud smudges

                                    You and me volcanized once more to we

                                    Wiping blood off the tracks

                                    Getting drunk again on communion wine

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Snowed in Ag*in

Every time someone says I read your blog--when is your next?  I am glad someone did.  Hey, you didn't have to like it--at least you read it Eric.  If you are like so many in the no longer NorthWet but NorthWhite came out of the skies and for our north face a little less than one thousand feet (add time to boiling stuff); Mieki and I are snowed in again.


Previously, we were snowed in from January 1 through the 10th.  Easy to count--10 days.  On the 10th day of 2017 we headed down our half mile lane.  We were getting a little anxious--out of living essentials:  Butter, Hempler's bacon and eggs/flour, wine and vodka.  This sojourn to civilization was interrupted by 6 fir trees the oldest being about 60 years old by ring count not babies.across our road next to our east neighbors clear cut.  The clear cut was the culprit for all of these downed trees.  The firs, sadly beaten down by a nasty east wind were always sheltered by near by friends.  Exposed naked with no buffering trees, they became victims bingo bango downo a game of giant pickup sticks.  I wonder how we would fare without our forest of friends in east wind adversity.  Would we all fall down?

Firs are shallow rooted but spread their feet wide.  When they fall their root ball will be standing 10-15 feet vertically like the log used to stand  60' tall to the sky.  The first time I cut up a windfall similar to these; I was shocked, astounded, surprised at the speed of how the root ball snapped back to it's horizontal state.  Thank God no one was resting their back eating their lunch against the vertical root ball.  I later told this to one of my bmf best male friends there are so many abbreviations now that it's a good thing there's google.  Old Jack my age God rest his soul was a true red-neck with a heart. He had logged on and off his whole life and told me more than one murder victim was never found because a root ball snapped back into place.

Back to our encounter with trees over the road.  We had no choice.  I popped it in low 4 wheel drive and we headed east still snowy and uphill a bit and started in my black Dodge dodging stumps in the clear cut. Ooo we were lucky--keep it gunned and try not to bottom out we made it to the road.  Double lucky because if we would have got stuck, my best friend, M, might have been inclined to say I told you so.  We called our best ever neighbor Paul Hero all around Great Person (find pictures of fir falls blocking our lane on ""Peculiar Ambitions" blog/facebook).  I said I would help when we got back from Costco and Freddies--though I wasn't sure how much help I would be with my bum shoulder.  By the time we got back he was doing the last tree and of course I was watching and his saw got pinched--first time whole cutting clearing the lane time.  I got it out while he jockied the logs--and then I went I touched his saw and I'll catch his flu--wow he was doing all of this while he had the flu.  New tv series:  "Better Call Paul."
Well hey, it looks like we are snowed in until this Tuesday. That will make it another 7 days.  Lots of time to surf (I wish I was on Maui with Bob & Sherry doing the real thing).  I'm talking the Internet and I see an offer of $100 K to stay at a cabin in the woods without any amenities of civilization--esp all things related to the Internet, tv, phones....  M and I are ready.  Where do we sign?  We could do it--being snowed in twice for a total of almost 14+ days--I know we could--throw in the essentials and cards with a cribbage board especially if it is January as this is the only month we keep track of wins and there are some bloody games and accusations and extreme stress and high anxiety.  Right now I am 5 games up and I don't want to admit that M has become an almost equal.  I hope she doesn't read this--M is a nasty winner.  If you have followed my meanderings thus far, you will see the point of this loquaciousness is being snowed in twice for an excess of a week is a test of love, compatibility and friendship and to pat on the back those couples who have stayed through the snow years of their relationships and to those contemplating marriage ask yourself who could I get snowed in with or take a sail boat trip across the ocean with or get trapped in a cave-in with.  Those of us who have weathered storms; who have come out the other side as friends and lovers--good on us!

And now for a few poems as this snowed in has offered me lots of time and have kept my sanity through writing and working in the greenhouse.

Why do I end up with rocks after I dug them all out of the garden last time.  They just keep percolating up from the mantle we live on.  Picture of them :

                                    Pursued by rocks in all of my gardens

                                    Round ones where the glacier stopped/99th st

                                    Now irregulars of all sizes ghosting up

                                    Where there was none the loaves and the fishes

                                    How do miracles happen

                                    Why do they hound me

                                    He never found a rock in his garden

                                    Why do I love my dirt

                                    Ever-present rocks can there still be love

                                    What lesson can be learned from my soil

                                    Your love is always there

                                    Steady constant always

                                    Chasing my well-being and love

                                    You are the rocks solid

                                    Loving me more than I love myself

                                    We are igneously fused

                                    Id rather have rocks

                                   Too bad never found a rock in your garden


Yes, I have now read Gary Snyder's new book of poems thanks to a gift from Vince and Jenny.  This Present Moment  is powerful and thought provoking and mundane.  His poem about his dying wife is testimony to what a mate's duty is--to always be there.  This poem is a take-off from one of his fun poems.
I have always reveled in botanical names but as they slip away in old age not that old one comes to see the essence of things and not their names.  Gardeners tend to be snobs always wanting the rarest coolest when right before their eyes is such a common beautiful thing.

                                      Jenny and the Montmorency Cherry

                                    How you read Gary Snyder

                                    Standing on the mighty Columbia bank

                                    Teaching us and the city behind you

                                    Garys methodology of bird identification

                                    A fine way to learn feathered friends

                                    To know is to know

                                    Flowers are the same

                                    When you have grown beauty

                                    Knew what grew such delight

                                    Reveled and rolled in such rainbows

                                    The name is not on the tip of my tongue

                                    I dont need latin

                                    I need seeds

My orders for seed are in the mail--another thing that kept me from going bat***t during this time.